Actions mean everything

She might come off as a strong, indestructible person 

and play hard to get 

but theres a reason behind that

theres a reason behind the way she acts and portrays herself to others

She's been through rough and unpleasant days

Felt things that were beyond her belief

Seen a few things that caused a change in her attitude 

Yes, she has been there and done it all

Yes, she's cold, shows no emotion and has a heart as hard as a rock

but thats only because she once cared a bit too much about a person who failed to care back. 

She cared about a person that dashed all her hopes

That lead her to build a tower made out of stones around her heart to keep it safeguarded and away from any further damage.

People have come up to her and told her they're different 

but she's been fooled by words before and refuse to be fooled by it again

she refuses to believe it until its been proven 

she refuses to believe in words 

since actions mean everything to her now.

Don't forget to leave a comment x

--No title--

Drowning in a sea of depressing thoughts

She crawls into a ball under her blanket and wishes to close her eyes for the last time

She wished to not feel anything 

To not exist 

To die

Because she's just tired of all these long, lonely sleepless nights

She just couldn't deal with hiding the pain anymore

Crying all the time

Forever feeling empty, worthless and numb

Faking a smile every time that she forgot what it feels like to actually smile 

Over thinking every situation 

Not having anyone to open up to 

Because they either judge her

Or don't understand where she's coming from

Not being able to trust anyone, because they all end up disappointing her

Loving the wrong people

Hiding from society to avoid being criticised and judged

Always feeling like she's cursed with misery

Never being able to do anything right

Yes, all of that hurts.

It hurts like hell.

And saying you understand won't change a thing 

Because you don't understand 

You don't get it 

You'll never get it

Until you've walked in her shoes 

And been through the same shit. 

I'm not emo I swear :-D

Leave a comment x

-No title-

You know whats the problem with people nowadays? 

They're all users 

They love you until they've got everything they need then they throw you away like you never meant anything to them

They "miss you" only when they're bored or have no one to speak to

They forget all the times you've stood by their side when everyone was against them. 

They've forgotten when you were there as a friend because they had no one. 

They've also forgotten when you were the only one that accepted them for who they REALLY are without judging and leaving after knowing the real story

You see thats the problem

Once people give them a bit of attention

They completely forget the ONLY person that was there for them when no one gave any attention at all. 

You eventually end up as a 'nobody' to them

And they obviously don't care if you're left heart broken or not

As long as they're happy then nothing else matters to them

They move on with their lives 

While you're stuck in the same place thinking about what happened

But hey what can we do other than accept it and move on right?

After all non of these people are worth our time and energy

So let them be and forget the ones that forget you 

Because soon it will hit them 

And they will come crawling back to you 

Thats just how people these days are, sad isn't it? 

Leave a comment x

Imperfectly perfect

Listen carefully 

She's not perfect, neither are you. 

She doesn't have the perfect body or looks

She's full of flaws and mistakes  

She's done things she regret and might not have the best past 

She gets crazy mood swings and gets out of control at times

Most of the time she's twisted and hard to understand 

She's not the most romantic person out there 

She won't quote poetry to you or send you all these cute messages

Nor will she obsess/think about you every moment of the day 

But i guarantee you she will love you to her fullest potential 

She'll love you with what she has 

She'll hand you a part of her thats very fragile 

She'll hand you her heart knowing theres a chance you might break it like the others did

So when she does,

Don't hurt her

Don't change her to the person you want 

Don't expect more than what she can give

Don't judge her

Or compare her to other girls you know 

There will be times she'll make you angry 

Times she'll do things that might upset you 

But then there definitely will be times she'll love you and make you feel special 

Appreciate those times because you'll miss it when she's not there

Love her as much as possible 

Don't let little things get in between 

Because again, she's only human like you 

Perfect girls don't exist

But there will always be one person thats perfect for you 

And when you find that person, never let them go. 

Please leave a comment x 

Untitled

Surrounded by a group of people

She sat there with a vibrant smile plastered across her face. Chattering away and laughing along.  

"I've never seen someone filled with so much joy," I thought to myself. 

At first glance you would think she's a high-spirited girl without a single care in the world. 

That's what YOU think. 

When she sat there quietly not interacting with anyone.

Her facial expression changed completely. 

Her bright smile slowly changed into a depressed frown. 

Her big diamond-like eyes seemed to reveal so much pain and sadness. 

Like she and a thousand things going on in her head

As soon as the person next to her started speaking to her, she snapped back to reality. 

That stressful look on her face disappeared and was replaced with an artificial-like smile once again. 

I knew she wasn't really happy.

I knew she has gone through a lot.

I knew her eyes were full of sadness that her mouth never got the chance to say.

I saw the sadness in her eyes but i didn't know what to say because i didn't know her or her story.

I didn't know what she's gone through. 

I couldn't think of anything to say that would take her pain away. 

Instead in my head i kept saying "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for whatever that has caused a beautiful soul like yours this kind of sadness."

Weird feelings

Sometimes when I'm out surrounded by people 

I get this feeling 

A weird feeling 

Where i just can't wait to go home, into my room, lock the door and fall flat on my bed 

And when i do fall flat on my bed 

I let out  huge sigh of relief 

But then i get this uneasy suffocating feeling 

Where i feel like my heart is dropping and stomach is flipping 

A feeling where i just want to rip my skin of and cry 

Then i sit and think to myself why do i feel this way?

My day went well 

I mean nothings wrong 

But i think again and realise nothing is right either..

Siting in front of the mirror

I Smile

And stare at myself with tears in my eyes  

While crazy thoughts rush through my head 

I then tell myself I'm just tired i need some sleep 

But when i am on bed i realise I'm not tired 

Im just feeling empty 

I tell myself time will heal 

But if that was true 

Then i would've been better by now 

After all i just want someone to be there 

For them to tell me its going to be okay 

I want someone to fix me 

Because I'm tired of trying to fix myself 

I just want to feel….happy again 

To be saved and helped 

Cared and thought about 

Is that to much to ask for?

And i laid there with tears in my eyes 

Still wishing,hoping and fighting 

That tomorrow will be better

Please do leave a comment xx

Looks like you've lost me

My eyes don't light up when i hear someone mention your name. 
A smile isn't plastered across my face when i see your name flashing on my phone. 
I don't look for your face in the crowd anymore, nor do i wish to see it.
I don't get heart sinking feelings when i see you do things i hate. 
The way you act or treat me doesn't bother me anymore. 
I've stopped wasting my time on waiting for you to come back to me. 
It doesn't hurt me seeing you've moved on faster than expected, because that just gave me a reason to move on to. 
You don't get to me like you used to. 

Sorry for being harsh but now, you're just a memory in the back of my mind. 

A really bad memory. 

So don't be surprised the next time you walk past me or send me a text and i don't even bother glance your way or get a response. 

Im done killing myself and fighting the same old battle that i keep loosing. 

But no in reality, I'm not the looser. You are. 

I didn't lose someone that loved me, but on the other hand you lost a person that loved you beyond her limits. 

Now you have no one to blame but yourself. 

I gave you chances everyday. I gave you chances more than you deserved. But you went and messed it up every time. 

Now i walk around with the brightest smile on my face, and laugh louder than ever before. Couldn't care less about you anymore. 

Looks like you've lost me, bro.

Please leave a comment x

A different kind of beautiful

She was beautiful. 

Not like the girls in the magazine with just beautiful looks thats would catch your attention straight away

In fact she was the type you'd have to look twice at to see her beauty. 

She was beautiful in a different and unusual way.

The way she carried herself

The way she felt and cared for others

The way she managed to wear her contagious smile at all times

Her mentality and personality 

Her honesty

How she would go out of her way to help others

How her eyes sparkled and face lit up every time she spoke about something she loved

The way she had so much ambition and motivation 

She wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks..

She was beautiful deep down to her pure white soul. 

Leave a comment x

A new start

"Why why why" she asked herself every night before going to sleep. 

"Why do things like this happen to me? Why am i cursed with this life? Why can't i be happy like i use to be? Will i ever be happy?"

As tears streamed down her pale cheeks, she covered her face with a pillow and screamed into it as hard as possible. Screaming into her pillow always seemed to calm her down.

Putting the pillow aside, she pulled the blanket close to her face, closed her eyes and said "I wish tomorrow won't come. I don't want to face another day. I don't want to dream about having a better life when Im just cursed with sorrow."

Flat on bed in a room that was jet black, she stared up at the roof while thought after though rushed through her head. This was what she's been going through every night since a few months now.

Usually her dark nights were followed by miserable mornings, but today wasn't like that. Instead of waking up feeling fed up of "life", She woke up feeling fed up of  "allowing people to make her life miserable". 

"No" she said.."I've lived according to your will for to long. I've allowed you to push me around to much. I've allowed these thoughts to destroy me and it has done more damage than expected. But no, not anymore." 

Searching for a pen and a piece of paper, she wrote down everything that went through her dark mind each night. She wrote down the things that left her in tears, the things that made her wish for death. She wrote down every little thing that has bothered her. She poured her heart into that piece of paper. 

She then took a lighter and started to burn the papers. As the paper started to burn, she could feel all her worries inside her burn to. 

She let out a big sigh of relief and opened her curtains. A bright ray of sunlight shot through her window. She squinted her eyes as the sunlight hit her face and smiled. Yes she actually smiled, and it was a real smile. She has forgotten what it actually felt like but now that she knows, she never wanted to stop smiling. 

"It's time to start living for myself. Its time to start living the life I always wanted."

Leave a comment

Worst kind of sad

The worst kind of sad is when a person tries not to be sad.
When they force the sadness away by forcing a smile out to push the tears back. 
When they've got to find a reason to not be sad. 
When they try to force the disturbing thoughts away and try to be positive when really all they want to do is break down. 
When they lie saying "Yes, i've never been happier" when the truth is they've never been sadder. 



Yes i know, this is very very very short.
Please leave a comment x

We are society

We all complain about how society is ugly but ever thought about how WE ARE the people that make it ugly?

Most of us complain about how we live in a judgmental/close minded world when we make up that world. 

At the end of the day we're all hypocrites in some way

We have all judged people at some point 

We have all pretended to be something we're not 

We have all hurt one anothers feelings 

We have all done something we said well never do 

We have all spoken bad behind someones back 

We have all been close minded about something at some point

We tell people to be themselves yet most of us end up judging them

We accuse them of doing wrong when we do similar things

We don't want to be called names yet we name them 

We are the people that have created this ugly thing called society 

Each and every one of us are apart of it 

We complain without realising its our fault

But its time things change 

Its time people open their eyes and see the mess we're living in 

Just because society says something doesn't mean you should do it or follow it

Its time to be different and to stop following the trend.

They might hate you for standing out but deep down they'll only wish they had the same courage you have. 

This is abit different than what I usually write

Leave a comment x

You don't know

You don't know how much you love a person until their gone 
You don't know how much you miss a moment until its become a memory
You don't know how much you've hurt a person until someone comes into your life and hurts you the same way

You don't realise how much they cared about you until you're surrounded by people that don't give a damn
You won't know how they felt until you've gone through the same thing 
You'll only start to miss them when their happy without you

You don't realise how much they loved you until you get someone new that cares only about themselves or their happiness. 
You don't realise how much they worried about you until you find someone that won't care if you're alive or dead. 

You won't know how much they were worth until you realise their irreplaceable   

 You'll only start to regret leaving them when you realise how much they did for you
 You'll start to wish you treated them right only when you see someone else doing a better job than you did.
You'll only miss their jealousy towards you when you get someone that doesn't care about who has your attention 

 After all they say "You don't know what you've got until its gone" 
In my opinion.. They knew what they had very well but instead of appreciating it they pushed it away.

Leave a comment please x

Change

Isn't it weird how the same heart that once loved you is now the heart that hates you. 

The person you once had so many feelings toward is the person you can look at now and feel absolutely nothing.

The one that did the impossible to get you not longer has the interest in you or put the effort in fighting for you. 

That one person you had so much to talk about with is the person you barely have conversations with 

Well as life goes on, feelings change and so do people along the way. 

Some change to the better, others to the worse.

It sucks when the one person you wish never changed ends up changing to the worse. 

Its even worse when one day you wake up to a completely different person. 

I tried my very best to get you back. 

I tried more that i should have

But did it work? 

Sometimes you've just got to accept the things that you can't change even though its never easy

Walk away from what doesn't make you happy and remember God will never take away anything from you without the intention of replacing it with something better. 

Leave a comment xx

Heres to the...

Heres to the betrayers, doubters, bullies and haters. 
The ones thats don't see beyond the horizon. 
The blank idiots that think what their told to think or do what others do. 
You surely have challenged me and pushed me forward.  

Heres to the people that love us. 
The people that always manage to wear a smile on their face no matter how tough their life is.
The strong ones that refuse to be knocked down.
The trouble makers that break all the rules.
The crazy ones that will change the world one day. 
The ones that see things differently and don't have a care about what 'society' thinks or says. 

Heres to the people that misses someone deep down when they know they shouldn't.
Heres to the things left unsaid and the thoughts left unexpressed. 
To the people that have gotten their heartbroken by a person that doesn't even know they existed.
To the people that are madly in love with someone that doesn't love them back.
To the people that get hurt, yet manage to get back up with a smile. 
To the hopeless romantics and daydreamers that have stopped believing in happily ever afters. 

Heres to the girls that don't catch everyones attention at first.
To the girls that someday will get the ending they see in movies.
To the girls that stay strong when they have every reason to break down and cry.

Heres to the losers that have lost us.
The people that have pushed us away.
The people that have taken us for granted.
One day you'll come crying back.

Heres to the good things that still haven't happened. 
To the lucky people that still haven't met you.
To the memories waiting to be made.

After all heres to the future, because i'm so over the past.


Writing this actually made me feel better!!!
Leave a comment x

Things i've learned

A list of things i've learned this year:

* Life goes on wether you like it or not
* People change, even the ones you love
* Forever lasts only for 1 to 2 years 
* People you were once attached to eventually turn out to be strangers
* Complaining takes you no where, instead get up and do something about it 
* Jealousy does not kill because if it does we would all be dead. In fact jealousy just gives you an uneasy/suffocating feeling
* When people ask you whats wrong, they don't care. Their just nosy or bored
* Love does not last so don't kill yourself if your lover leaves you
* Promises are broken in a blink of an eye 
* People rarely mean what they say nowadays 
* Trusting people these days is impossible 
* Happiness is a choice and so is depression 
* Thinking about people that have forgotten you is a waste of brain cells, therefore you should forget the people that forgot you 
* People push away good things that would've actually lasted 
* Listening to depressing music just makes everything 10 times worse
* When something knocks you down, get up right away and comeback as a stronger person 
* Don't take revenge. Let God do his job and punish them with something worse
* Showing a person you're happy even after all the pain they've caused you is the best way to kill them 
* Fear no one but God (and your parents of course)
* Value the people that are still in your life and haven't left
* Do good to get good 
* Do for others even if they wont do anything for you in return 
* Smiling helps 
* Don't ever question or doubt yourself 
* Don't get attached to anyone. Specially not to the people in this messed up generation 
* Instead of crying when you're sad, eat. 
* Find good in every bad
* Keep your head high, no matter what life throws at you 
* Don't lower your standard because you're surrounded by shallow people 
* Never lower what you're worth. Remember you deserve the best 
* Don't put you happiness in temporary things you might lose and definitely don't put your happiness in people because they all end up walking away
* People hate seeing you do better than them so use that as a motivation to continue 
* Let it go if it doesn't make you smile 
* Don't give up on your hopes 

I've actually learned and realised all the points mentioned above!


Yup it was a very random post but anything to avoid studying math haha!
Leave a comment xx

Internal conflict

  All along i've been fighting in a war thats been taking place within me. Day and night, back and forth continuously fighting myself. Isolated from the rest of the world because I'm to busy drowning in these endless thoughts that were slowly killing me. It was my brain against my heart and you were the reason behind this war. 

  My brain was always known to be the smart one. I always knew the decisions made by my mind were the right decisions. But then my weak heart always chose your side. Even when it wasn't suppose to...

  My mind always knew the right from wrong. Always knew the truth from lies. It always knew your love was a lie and kept telling me to let go since it knew you were no good. My mind also told me you're going to hurt me really badly and leave me hanging. It told me to stop trying so hard to make things right when I wasn't really they only one you had. As we all know, my mind was right but did I listen to it? of course not.

  On the other hand, my heart knew my weak point. My heart knew i'd take any excuse to just be with you and continue loving you. My heart told me to continue trying no matter how rough this relationship gets and i did. My heart told me you still love me even though you stopped showing it, and i believed that but it was a lie. My weak heart told me to hang onto you and never let you go because i've come this far. My heart told me to care and I ended up caring a bit to much and well that left me heartbroken..

  I kept listening to my heart for a very long time, even after i've been put down continuously. I still followed my heart until one day I couldn't accept it anymore. I just could't continue forgiving you each time and let you hurt me more and more and look away from it, I just couldn't.

  "I told you so" yelled my brain. "Heart was right only for so long, but after awhile you should've been  smart enough to accept it and walk away WHEN YOU KNEW THE TRUTH ALL ALONG"

  Sometimes you need to push your feelings and emotions away and think logically. Don't let the way you feel control you. If you know whats the right decision then make it, even if its going to be tough adjusting to. Act towards it before it gets to late. 


So who do you listen to? brain or heart?
Leave a comment please x


  

BLANK

The colours around me faded to grey as i watch you walk away

My chest tightening making it hard for me to breath, I said to myself he's really leaving 

As i watched you walk away, becoming smaller and disappearing into the crowd, a flash back of memories we share hit my head

No longer able to see you in sight, tears came streaming down my eyes

At that moment i felt something I've never felt before, a strong burn in my heart

Giving up on everything i walked away to

Going crazy alone locked up in my room

Crying to myself saying "i still love u" like I wished you would hear me and know its true, 

middle of the night and no more tears to cry, is this what it feels like to have a broken heart?

Your face slowly faded into my mind again, I couldn't help but want you more than anything. 

You walking away was like a dagger to my heart

But knowing you'll never come back was good enough to drain me out completely. 

Blessed Friday 

Leave a comment x

Im sick and tired....

Im sick and tired of being taken for granted 
Im sick and tired of being stepped on 
Im sick and tired of being ignored 

Im sick and tired of being hurt over and over again
Im sick and tired of hoping for the better when nothing good has still happened
Im sick and tired of acting like I'm happy because the truth is I'm not

Im sick and tired of forgiving you everyday for your mistakes 
Im sick and tired of thinking you'll change
Im sick and tired of loving you so much because I feel like its all gone to waste 

Im sick and tired of being there for you when you're never in sight for me 
Im sick and tired of waiting, even when i know sometimes you wont come back 
Im sick and tired of going through sleepless nights, wide awake just thinking about 'this'

Im sick and tired of looking away from the mess you've made 
Im sick and tired of you throwing words at me that had the power to kill 
Im sick and tired of questioning your love to me 

Im sick and tired of trying to please you 
Im sick and tired of trying to be the person you want to be 
Im sick and tired of believing your lies and all those promises gone to waste 

Im sick and tired of sacrificing things just to see you smile
Im sick and tired of telling you "Im done" and then continue fighting 
Im sick and tired of being alone without you by my side 

Yes, Im sick and tired of all of this (mostly you)  but I don't think ill stop
I'll continue doing everything mentioned above until one day my head would just pop 
Call me stupid and weak for running behind you
But you'll realise all the things you did wrong the day I'm no longer here.



Yes, I had to take my anger out by writing this!
What do you think? 
PLEASE take 2 seconds of your time to leave a comment after reading. x

Its time..

After along day, I sat down on bed and my thoughts drifted far away. I realised the amount of change that has taken place in this past year and it left me in shock. 
My thoughts then drifted to you.. to the thoughts that have the ability to tear me apart each time. 
I started to wonder why am I still holding on? Theres nothing but emptiness between us after all. I mean, you've let go along time ago and I probably don't matter anymore right?
The funny part is even after knowing that, I still seem to be holding on and fighting for 'us'. 
Thinking about the amount of trouble you've put me through, I asked myself why am I still in love with you? All the tears i've cried for you that has probably gone to waste right..
They say that if a person truly loves you and needs you in their life, then they would do the impossible to prove that to you and keep you. But hey, what have you done other than push me away day by day? All the little things you could've considered doing just to prove I still matter. Instead your actions kept punching me harder and harder. 
I then whispered to myself and asked "Did I even matter at all? Or was I just another one". 
Sadly yes I guess, I was just another one. I was just another joke. 
Looking up to push my tears away, I smiled and told myself "Its their loss for loosing a person with a golden heart."

Yes, I miss you and still think about you. But I also think its time to let go of you and the sweet memories and move on now. 
After all its about knowing when to keep fighting and when to let go. Accepting life for what it is and not for what you wished it was. 


Sooo.....What do you think?x

I can't..

I just can't imagine someone laying down on bed thinking about me.
I can't imagine someone having these scenes about me in their head wishing one day it would come true.
I can't imagine someone daydreaming about me or even crossing their mind.

I just can't imagine someone smiling when they see a message from me. 
I can't imagine someone wanting to speak to me all night long and not wanting to stop. 
I can't imagine someone staring at their phone checking if i've replied or not. 
I can't imagine someone waiting for me to start the conversation with them and getting upset if I didnt 

I just can't imagine being 'the only thing' on someones mind. 
I can't imagine someone speaking about me continuously to their friends.
I can't imagine someone being 'crazy' about me. 

I just can't imagine someone getting butterflies in their stomach because I hugged them. 
Or even just looked at them for a few seconds. 
I can't imagine making someones entire day just because i complimented them. 

I dont know, I just can't....


This was a random piece.
Leave a comment and tell me what you think x

Isn't it ironic?

Isn't it ironic how the people that promised you saying they'll never leave aren't there in your life anymore?
The person you once called a "Best friend" is a complete stranger now.
The people you've loved the most are somehow the people you cant stand anymore.

Isn't it ironic how the same person can hurt you over a hundred times yet you cant accept living without them?
You still insist on keeping them in your life and feel foolish when they hurt you again the next time.
Telling yourself its the last time you'll allow them to hurt you and that you'll be perfectly fine after they leave but you know for a fact you're lying to yourself.

Isn't it ironic how the same person says sorry and they'll never do it again ends up repeating it after a few days?
The people that promised you the world has run off breaking all their promises?
Even after your heart has been shattered, you still manage to smile, forgive them and act perfectly fine.

Isn't it ironic how the person that once told you "I'll be here forever" is already half way out the door...?


This was a random piece!
Leave a comment and tell me what you think xx

A broken heart

Broken heart?
Theres nothing worse than a broken heart.
The feeling you get after a broken heart is just weird.
Actually to be honest, after a broken heart you don't really feel anything.
You just sit there for hours feeling so numb and dead, like someone has stabbed you in the heart several times now but apparently you're still alive. 
You then begin to ask yourself why are you still alive. 
Having so much hatred and rage towards the world because of what one person did to you. 
But then the weirdest part of it all is you're still hoping for the best for that person after all the pain they've caused you.
You're probably not even on their mind anymore, yet you sit there feeling like a stone and hoping they'll be happy in the future. 
You try to move on and think about other things, but somehow you come across something that reminds you of them and you continue to stand there feeling empty and hollow. 




Leave a comment and tell me what you think :-)